What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 02:18
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Atque nihil laudantium distinctio sapiente similique molestiae.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i lived it daily.
New theory proposes time has three dimensions, with space as a secondary effect - Phys.org
I don,t even have a pension.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What timeless pieces do you believe every wardrobe should possess?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I waited trembling.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Harvard study warns: Common napping habits linked to higher death risk - Times of India
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I have no regrets .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What are some downsides to living in Newfoundland and Labrador (besides the weather)?
Comes on , in middle age.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Distinctio minus aut doloribus vero minima ut vitae.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It was going to be , some day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was scared of men, in general
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She found it foreign!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He knew the spot.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was seconnd youngest,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My life is so biszare .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why did i forgive my father ?
My family never makes their pension either.
I will be 64.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was in good health!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We all went to grammer schools
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But, we were locked up after school.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So, i spoilt her more .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it wasn’t much.
I was very sick at this time too.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I write beautiful poetry .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And who doesn’t know suffering?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were not on the streets..
I was 9 years of age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He resisted the act ,that day.
Was to survive, this bastard.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
So whats the point in blame.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I said to her
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot live in the past .
All the time i was locked up.
She wouldn,t have been !
I could never make a relationship work though!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is soul school!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Would this be the day?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Put me off passion for life!!
What did i know ?
When she asked me how she looked .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She loved him until the end.
Ive learnt so much.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She married twice! .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Who then, do I blame.?